There is something my mother has always said, “I love my children equally,” it may seem controversial, or impossible, but my mother has never shown affection or given one of us more than the other.

She has always maintained the position that a child may be distanced from his parents if they do so, or may feel rejected. It has been her principle to ensure justice between us, so as not to damage self-esteem, and at the same time instil in us the values of justice, as children learn by example, and the mother is the primary role model, and first teacher.

With Ramadaan and Eid coming, many of us will go shopping. For many parents, this will be a pain in their pockets, and some unfairness may arise, if you have more than one child. Let me caution you, therefore, before it unintentionally happens. Many parents do not realise the devastative consequences that may arise from such favouritism.

Allah instructs us in the Qur’an, “Be just, that is nearer to piety; and fear Allah…” (05:08)

Justice is one the inherent teachings of Islam. Fairness and equality are at the core of Islam, a muslim is to give everyone their due rights; the Almighty Creator above the heavens, and the tiny insects that crawl around the earth. A muslim has obligations to fulfil our duties towards each, and each one is considered a shepherd in this regard responsible for their flock. For parents; their flock are their children, and it is upon them to deal with justice between them.

In the hadith of Nu’man ibn Bashir, whose father brought him before Rasulullah (peace be upon him) and said, “‘I have give this son of mine a slave that I had.’ The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked, ‘Did you give all your children a similar gift?’ He replied, ‘No.’ The Prophet then said, ‘then take it (the gift) back.’” (Bukhari) In another report also in Bukhari the Prophet said, “Fear Allah, and be fair to your children.”  This was the extent of the Prophet’s justice. Each child is equal unless one has a greater need, or if given as a reward for a specific achievement, which will then serve as a motivation to the others to try to succeed.

Favouritism can have many negative effects. It may cause jealousy and sow the seeds of hatred between siblings. It can cause children to withdraw, feel deficient, and uncared for. Even if a parent harbours more love for one child, they should be careful not to openly exhibit it, and make other children feel left out. This Eid, make a change and show all your children you care, love and believe in each one.

I will end with this rhetorical question of the Prophet (peace be upon him), he said, “Do you not want all your children to respect you equally?” (Ahmad 4/269)

May Allah help us to establish justice through following His laws.

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