I wasn’t always practicing. There was a point in my life in which I was losing touch with reality, and I almost gave up hope of living. At that time, I always wanted to repent, to change my life, away from the madness of what the world had offered. I felt I was the lowest of the low, that I couldn’t be salvaged. There was no amount of tears of regret that could save me from myself, for I had lost and I was a broken soul tainted with sins. In spite of all that, I kept on trying.

In my effort, I started reading Qur’an again. Prior to this, the Qur’an was collecting dust, and I only read it in Ramadaan. As I was out of practice, I started with Juz Amma, thinking that it would give me a good start. Instead of blindly reciting the ayahs, I made an effort of reading the meaning of each one. It was all good, until I read this particular ayah.

“And He found you lost and guided [you]” (Ad Dhuha, 93:7)

I started to weep. It shook me. All this time, I saw myself as a wretched human being, that I did not deserve forgiveness from Allah. I asked myself, didn’t Allah find me lost and misguided, and He guided me? Doesn’t that mean something for me? Doesn’t that alone show Allah’s mercy? Doesn’t that mean that I am given a chance to change my life? These questions bombarded my thoughts, forcing me to reflect and evaluate my life.

That ayah made an impact on my life. I started seeing things differently. I was down and low, believing everything was a facade, to get me through the day. I was so deep in my self-loathing that I failed to see the blessings around me. That day, I was a changed person. I woke up every new day with hope, knowing whatever happened, I have turned to Allah. It doesn’t matter what state I am in, I have Allah to turn to. If my faith was once at its lowest, I have gained it back, and I promised myself never to look back. Never again will I go back to that life again.

From Tafseer Ibn Katheer, regarding this ayah:

This is similar to Allah’s saying,

“And thus We have revealed to you an inspiration of Our command. You did not know what is the Book or [what is] faith, but We have made it a light by which We guide whom We will of Our servants…” (Ash Shuraa, 42:52)

This ayah remain as my favourite. I wrote it down in my daily planner, on my desk, as my computer’s wallpaper. This works as a constant reminder for me. A reminder of Allah’s blessing on me. To be thankful, to be given this chance, to walk away from the deception of the world and be able to see this path again, amid the fogs that had clouded my sight before.

Anisah Matasim,

Writer, AAT